You see, there is a post going around Facebook (FB is where I do a lot of my business):
This, coupled with some emails and posts from other vendors about supporting ONLY working from home moms has made me lose it. Are you really ONLY supposed to buy from people supporting a family? Is that really fair?
I'm sad to say that I am not a mom. My Husband and I have been married for 2 years (on the 26th) and have been trying to conceive for our entire marriage. I'm not a mom, but it isn't by choice. I love kids. I chose to teach them. Then, I lost my job because education is the first thing that gets cut when money runs low. Sad but true. My sister, the photographer, started to encourage me to make props for her business. She'd tell me that hat she wanted, I'd make it. So, I started to help support my hubby and myself by making props.
Is it really fair to say that you won't do business with me because I don't have children to feed? When you buy from me, you help me pay my bills, you help me eat, you help me visit the doctor to figure out what is going wrong inside me preventing me from meeting your "mom requirement". You help me have less stress because I don't have to worry how I'm going to make rent, or car payments. You help me stress less because I know I might be able to afford the expensive, non-insured, treatments I need to be something that you probably take measures to prevent: pregnant.
I love making little hats, wraps and headbands. It makes me want to be a mom even more. I put a lot of love into every item I make. It really hurts me on a personal level that someone has said these things. I know most of the photographers and prop makers out there are moms. I know that I'm a minority. But, I'm just trying to get by like you.
Like I said before, I know I'm sensitive about the mom thing. I also don't know how long this post will survive. It may be a bit too personal.
EDIT: I'm in no way saying that the circulating post is "slamming" those of us that aren't moms. I don't think it was meant that way at all. I was more upset by a certain vendor advocating to only buy from Mom run businesses. It really hurt my feelings to know that others really feel justified to hold infertility against someone. I think supporting small businesses, regardless of who runs them, is AWESOME! I fully admit that this is a sensitive issue for me, and for many like me. I also think it's important to bring awareness to the emotional, financial and physical issues infertility has on those that deal with it. I think it's important for those that don't suffer with infertility to understand how innocent comments can be hurtful, even when those that get hurt try not to take it that way.
The one I posted on my business page said this:
ReplyDeleteWhen you buy from our boutique partners, instead of helping a CEO buy a 3rd vacation home, you are helping a mom put food on the table, a student pay for her college textbooks, a little girl finally gets to take that ballet class they couldn't afford. Support our boutiques, SUPPORT A FAMILY! ♥
No, don't take it off! I can't understand you in the sense that I am a mother of two children, but....whether or not we do have children, doesn't change the reality of life, like you said, making rent & car payments etc etc. We all have our struggles in life, different though they may be. I can't feel your pain, although I feel with you. I can't imagine living without my 2 sweeties, so I can only begin to imagine what you must go through! Hope that all changes for you in the future yet!! All the best of luck
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you feel!! I don't think it is meant to discourage anyone from buying from you because it says from boutiques and small business! People arent going to stop making purchases from you just because you haven't become a mom yet!
ReplyDeleteBtw, I like Sara's post!
ReplyDeleteNo! Your feelings are legit and you have a right to them! Good for you for standing up for yourself! And I'll keep buying from you whether or not you're a mommy... (God willing you will be soon!) Good luck to you on your venture. Yes, I do have a son (and I cherish and love him with every thing that I am!)... but my husband and I have been trying for #2 for about a year and a half with no luck. I am currently talking with my doc to seek help... just a bit of my back story... while I do already have a beautiful son... I do understand. Prayers to you and your hubby :)
ReplyDeleteThank you all! It makes me feel so much better to know I have a lot of support!
ReplyDeleteAmber-- if you ever want to talk, feel free to email me and we can share experiences!
I've known I wanted to be a mom since I was 4! And, I've known it would be hard to be one since I was 16. It's been an uphill battle, but now that things are looking up, (I have a job interview!)I can see a dim light at the end of the tunnel.
This one vendor posting that, then going on about only supporting WAHM businesses just really got to me!
I wanted to put my 2 cents in. I personally took the post as not to buy from the big guys and keep us little guys in business. I don't think it was a slam toward people that didn't have kids. I am so sorry you took it that way. I had issues conceiving as well and now have 2 beautiful children so I wish you all the luck in the world! It is a long hard road that I hope leads to great things for you both.
ReplyDeleteI 100% fully understand. I too have fertility issues & I started selling my items to help pay for fertility treatments {whenever I get to a point of making a profit I should say} I extended that above statement to include "you also support this Mama wannabe in helping to pay for fertility treatments, so hopefully some day too I can be a Mom"
ReplyDeleteMy partner & I started IUI treatments 2 years ago next month & with costs passing $1,200 Per month & not one penny of it covered by insurance...we had to take a break after 7 tries. I am hoping to attempt 3 more times over the next several months {only 3 because that is all the vials we have left from our donor} and at that time we have agreed to accept not becoming parents, it makes me cry to type this because honestly this has been one of the hardest fights of my life & I understand your pain. I always just try to not read too much into the things people name things "Mama rags or mommi cloth" for "Green-reusable period pads" or the "support stay at home mom's". I understand that they know not the pain we feel & that most people take pregnancy, I should say, full term healthy pregnancys for granted. I just sub in my "Mama wannabe" & "support my fertility treatments, so I too can hopefully be a Mom some day" & Hope that women who are blessed to have healthy chrildren can hopefully become more aware. You have every right to speak up & say your peace, women & men will not know their words are hurtful if we do not speak up & tell them. I fully support your words & honor your pain & send mamy baby blessings your way!
Jennifer
Rubi~Roo Creations {on Facebook}
Feel free to email me too if you would like to talk, there is great support out here!
ReplyDeleteJennifer
RubiRooCreations@hotmail.com
Like Kelli, I have seen that posted in a couple of places today and did not take that as a direct "slam" or pursuasion against botiques or small businesses that AREN'T WAHM's. I just interpretid (sp?) as supporting online botiques and individually run small businesses. (Which I think ARE statistically, but not exclusively, owned/run by SAHM and WAHM's.) Personally, I buy my items based off quality, creativity, pricing and customer reviews. Not whether the seller has kids. In fact, I don't think I've ever even looked that up or read that on anyone's site! I make my purchases based off what I like and what I don't. What I can afford and what I can't. In the end, I think the message was simply intended to encourage people to continue supporting botiques such as yours and I can't say that I disagree with that message! Perhaps a few vendors may be getting a little overzealous with that message, but I hope you won't let that discourage you because I really don't think that's how MOST people took it!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI added an edit because this isn't really about that post. I was this post, coupled with some other things that made me need to speak up. I just think, as a society, we all need to me more aware of the issues others face.
ReplyDeleteEDIT: I'm in no way saying that the circulating post is "slamming" those of us that aren't moms. I don't think it was meant that way at all. I was more upset by a certain vendor advocating to only buy from Mom run businesses. It really hurt my feelings to know that others really feel justified to hold infertility against someone. I think supporting small businesses, regardless of who runs them, is AWESOME! I fully admit that this is a sensitive issue for me, and for many like me. I also think it's important to bring awareness to the emotional, financial and physical issues infertility has on those that deal with it. I think it's important for those that don't suffer with infertility to understand how innocent comments can be hurtful, even when those that get hurt try not to take it that way.
Jennifer said...
ReplyDeleteWell said! It would just be nice if people were more aware of this issue.
I posted a version of it too from my page Blaze 'n' Crochet but I never said only buy from moms. COming from another angle though to let you know I understand your fertility issues. My husband and I struggled and fought so hard to conceive for 12 years and through 6 doctors before we finally got pregnant with our son Blaze. We have lost 2 babies to heaven and we have been trying since as soon as we were able after Blaze was born. We are on 4 years now trying for number two and it is just as sad and hard now as it was then. It should be easy for the people who would love and care for a child they want so badly and will love them truly. Just wanted you to know I get it. Leave it up. This is your feelings and they are totally validated.
ReplyDeleteWell I feel like a jerk today saying that I wanted to lock my kids in their rooms and here you are struggling to get pregnant :( thanks for being so nice to my out of control kiddos today and sorry for my frustration with them :/ caught me at a bad time!
ReplyDeleteLOL, Michelle! No worries. Children can be frustrating. Especially when you're busy and they don't seem to want to let you get things done! I totally get that sometimes they will just drive you crazy. But, I know that you love them and would never really lock them in their rooms :)
ReplyDeleteYour kiddos are nuts, but totally cute! I'll get Camille to like me, eventually. Notice that she didn't go back to crying when you went to make that copy. Progress!